Sunday, October 22, 2006
ATLAST: The Shit Scripts are now ready to order for a small fee:
Many of you haver asked if you could buy them, so we made an effort, and now they are here to order:
SHIT TV: The Transcripts
Here is the first one for free... ENJOY!
Episode 1.
(Charlotte and Fred in home made studio in their kitchen)
C: Oh know that’s, ah, I just completely missed all that bit, what a shit.
F: So this kind of like the behind the scenes, shit TV, making the…
C: Behind the Shit.
F: Behind, he he, making the décor.
C: Jeah.
F: Hello everyone and… fucking hell.
F: Hello everyone and welcome to this new show called Shit…
C: …TV
F: TV.
C: Hello, and welcome to Shit TV… Fredrik!
F: Jeah, we are gonna eh, present this exciting new show for you now, eh called shit TV and we are going to have a series of topics we will be referring to every show…
C: Yeah, like like five or six, uh, like different sections that… we we cover different topics.
F: And first of all, we are gonna-uuh, concentrate, on the topic of, Charlotte talks shit!
C: Yeah!
F: What’s that gonna be about?
C: That’s going to be when I explain to you that all these silly phrases that you mix up with like your bad English, and I’m going to explain to you why they are wrong.
F. And the second exiting topic on the list is, hunt the dump.
C: Hunt the dump, and this will involve us taking the camera and going round different toilet sites in our house cause we got 2 and going to eh pubs’n stuff, and just seeing if are any shi… any shits in toilets.
F: That’s it folks and third of our exiting list is…
C: (Charlotte coughs)
F: Kunstipation!
C: Kunstipation, uh yeah, (Charlotte whispering) throw it away.
C: Uhm that’s just going to art galleries and just saying about how shit all the art is, there’s no..
F: Are you actually gonna take a dump on other artists?
C: Well it depends on how bad it is.
F: It’s a bit out-there, you doing (Fred laughing) shit TV and all! I’m sorry…
C: Heh! (Charlotte lights cigarette)
F: And then the next exiting topic of our show is dump of the day.
C: Yeah what’s that again I can’t remember?
F: Dump of the day would be let’s just take a minute here to check my notes.
(Fred checks notes)
C: No one is going to watch this program. (Charlotte takes a sip of beer)
F: Dump of the day would be actually us visiting toilets, toilet visits…
C: (Charlotte smirks) We already covered that, I thought dump of the day was when we went and spoke to members of the public and said, what’s what happ, what’s really, what’s what’s what’s bad that happened today. That sort of thing…
F: Öööh…
C: Or is that shit happens, we got shit happens aswell when you, we gonna ask people if they’ve foo… (Charlotte looks confused)
(Fred looks thru home-made signs and laughs)
F: We don’t have a topic saying shit happens…
C: We got some pizza thou (Charlotte holds up torn pizza box).
F: Anyway, this show is gonna be about a lot of shit, and so you people better stay tuned and keep watching.
KUNSTIPATION (Change of scenery: Charlotte and Fred standing inside of cardboard box each holding a glass of wine with wet hair)
F: Uuh, great show shit TV.
C: Shit TV.
F: Shit TV.
C: Shit TV.
F: And were at an art show here and were doing the famous uuh, (holds up a sign) the all loved uuh, topic from our show called kunstipation.
(Charlotte nods)
F: And were actually standing inside of an art work here.
C: Yes, yes we are, yeah I think it’s a, cardboard representation of maybe the tube tunnels or something but it’s noisy, speakers’n stuff. Yeah..
F: And…
C: Just let me carry on, we’re in Christ church Spitalfields crypts and the artist is Louise Walker… and it’s very nice. (Charlotte makes a face)
F: Really Nice? So are we dong the nice stuff then? Or are we going to say like it is and that this is actually shit.
C: It’s not shit.
F: We are standing in shit.
(Charlotte and Fred laughs)
C: Mmm…
F: Where not doing that.
C: I don’t know, let’s decide now, what do you think Fred?
F: Well, this whole thing here is pretty shit, but there’s a good animation over there.
C: Yeah, but we’re not gonna show you that, we’ll just show you this.
F: Were gonna show this because it’s shit and we’re in shit TV, kunstipated artwork.
So we’re kunstipating this artwork, back to the studio
(Back in studio, camera angle not centered)
C: Hi.
F: Hi we just looked thru our f.. uuh, notes here and actually we found out what dump thi of the day was gonna be about… Charlotte?
C: Oh yeah uh, were we gonna (Charlotte emphasizes word) scour, the newspapers and um, find really bad news and flush it down the toilet.
F: Current events then, is it?
C: Yes!
F: Pretty much.
C: Pretty much.
F: And, so that we, and we also have the great se-segment which we don’t have a little nice thingy for.
C: Shit happens!
F: Shit happens!
C: Shit happens!
F: That’s gonna be great thing, and we’ll keep that in the dark for now, uh you you’ll have to keep watching to find out.
C: Jepp!
DUMP OF THE DAY.
(Change of scenery: Charlotte and Fred are sitting on toilet bowl inside of small toilet)
F: This segment could have been hunt the dump (holding up sign saying so) but uh, thorough searches in here made us realize that there was no dump, so this will be the dump of the day (holding up next sign) segment.
C: Yeah.
F: So Charlotte, what kind of toilet are we in?
C: Well were in our, our first toilet in our house 2 Glenarm road and it’s, it’s quite if you look at the floor it’s quite filthy, we wont go into it, and the toilet roles not even on the thing..
F: So we might actually be sitting in some old pee from some…
C: …very very possible…
F: …old party or something now?
C: Yeah!
F: Alright…
C: Jepp.
F: …so onwards with the what we are actually here to do…
C: Okey’ key.
F: …present the dump of the day!
C: Yes!
F: What’s the dump of the day going to be about?
C: Well it’s a, a article we found in, what’s the paper called? The evening standard light no-less, witch is free, and ammm, it’s a story about, the-the-the-the headline reads: this is the little dent that paralyzed the capital, and it’s just quite…
F: and…
C: …weird that…
F: …last time I checked the capital was actually London?
C: Yeah that’s right, Lundun, where we are right now!
F: So London is actually paralyzed because a dent?
C: Yeah…
F: So…
C: That’s pretty shit!
F: …and the actual dump today won’t be the dent I guess?
C: No! It’ll be Lundun!
F: Yeah, so let’s flush it down.
(Charlotte and Fred gets up, and throws the paper in the toilet and flushes)
F: Ah, you can see all the stain’s… (Fred laughs) …around here.
F: So thanks everyone, this was the dump of the day. Back to the studio!
(Change of scenery: Hidden camera angle)
F: But you know Charlotte, that segment: Charlotte talks shit?
C: Yeah.
F: Eh, couldn’t… Wouldn’t that be funnier if we just called it like, eeh, choose between shit or super shit?
C: What do you mean?
F: Like wouldn’t it be more fun segment if it’s called shit or super shit?
C: But what would we do if it was like, how do you mean like, you, I say to you: what do you think this is shit or super shit?
F: well it’s like you have to choose between shit or super shit.
C: What, like you show me something and I just don’t know what it is?
F: Yeah I show you… a picture of my mom…
C: Hmm…
F: …and you’ll say well is it shit or super shit?
C: Yeah but it’s just super shit, that that’s just’nt like in Engl-like in English, that just sound a bit weird.
F: What do you mean?
C: Do you know what I mean, it sounds… it sound like, like-like, like the translations wrong. Like cause…
C: But everyone knows what super is doesn’t he? It’s like a hero…
C: Yeah, but super shit sounds-yes that sounds like a super hero… that just doesn’t sound right! Like you’ll say, if you some one to be really shit…
F: …well if super man is super something, then shit super shit means like it’s really shit!
C: Noo… No, like if… it’s better of thinking of it like it’s says something like alright, it’s is it shit, or really fucking shit… or is it bollocks or something!
F: But, I think that’s really weird because if something is super something than it means it’s really shit, really shit is just really shit.
C: Yeah but…
F: If it’s super shit that must mean that its way more shit than… really shit!
C: Yeah but it just doesn’t sound right!
F: I just don’t get it!
(Signature song: Greetings now from shitsville, London!)
SHIT TV: The Transcripts
Here is the first one for free... ENJOY!
Episode 1.
(Charlotte and Fred in home made studio in their kitchen)
C: Oh know that’s, ah, I just completely missed all that bit, what a shit.
F: So this kind of like the behind the scenes, shit TV, making the…
C: Behind the Shit.
F: Behind, he he, making the décor.
C: Jeah.
F: Hello everyone and… fucking hell.
F: Hello everyone and welcome to this new show called Shit…
C: …TV
F: TV.
C: Hello, and welcome to Shit TV… Fredrik!
F: Jeah, we are gonna eh, present this exciting new show for you now, eh called shit TV and we are going to have a series of topics we will be referring to every show…
C: Yeah, like like five or six, uh, like different sections that… we we cover different topics.
F: And first of all, we are gonna-uuh, concentrate, on the topic of, Charlotte talks shit!
C: Yeah!
F: What’s that gonna be about?
C: That’s going to be when I explain to you that all these silly phrases that you mix up with like your bad English, and I’m going to explain to you why they are wrong.
F. And the second exiting topic on the list is, hunt the dump.
C: Hunt the dump, and this will involve us taking the camera and going round different toilet sites in our house cause we got 2 and going to eh pubs’n stuff, and just seeing if are any shi… any shits in toilets.
F: That’s it folks and third of our exiting list is…
C: (Charlotte coughs)
F: Kunstipation!
C: Kunstipation, uh yeah, (Charlotte whispering) throw it away.
C: Uhm that’s just going to art galleries and just saying about how shit all the art is, there’s no..
F: Are you actually gonna take a dump on other artists?
C: Well it depends on how bad it is.
F: It’s a bit out-there, you doing (Fred laughing) shit TV and all! I’m sorry…
C: Heh! (Charlotte lights cigarette)
F: And then the next exiting topic of our show is dump of the day.
C: Yeah what’s that again I can’t remember?
F: Dump of the day would be let’s just take a minute here to check my notes.
(Fred checks notes)
C: No one is going to watch this program. (Charlotte takes a sip of beer)
F: Dump of the day would be actually us visiting toilets, toilet visits…
C: (Charlotte smirks) We already covered that, I thought dump of the day was when we went and spoke to members of the public and said, what’s what happ, what’s really, what’s what’s what’s bad that happened today. That sort of thing…
F: Öööh…
C: Or is that shit happens, we got shit happens aswell when you, we gonna ask people if they’ve foo… (Charlotte looks confused)
(Fred looks thru home-made signs and laughs)
F: We don’t have a topic saying shit happens…
C: We got some pizza thou (Charlotte holds up torn pizza box).
F: Anyway, this show is gonna be about a lot of shit, and so you people better stay tuned and keep watching.
KUNSTIPATION (Change of scenery: Charlotte and Fred standing inside of cardboard box each holding a glass of wine with wet hair)
F: Uuh, great show shit TV.
C: Shit TV.
F: Shit TV.
C: Shit TV.
F: And were at an art show here and were doing the famous uuh, (holds up a sign) the all loved uuh, topic from our show called kunstipation.
(Charlotte nods)
F: And were actually standing inside of an art work here.
C: Yes, yes we are, yeah I think it’s a, cardboard representation of maybe the tube tunnels or something but it’s noisy, speakers’n stuff. Yeah..
F: And…
C: Just let me carry on, we’re in Christ church Spitalfields crypts and the artist is Louise Walker… and it’s very nice. (Charlotte makes a face)
F: Really Nice? So are we dong the nice stuff then? Or are we going to say like it is and that this is actually shit.
C: It’s not shit.
F: We are standing in shit.
(Charlotte and Fred laughs)
C: Mmm…
F: Where not doing that.
C: I don’t know, let’s decide now, what do you think Fred?
F: Well, this whole thing here is pretty shit, but there’s a good animation over there.
C: Yeah, but we’re not gonna show you that, we’ll just show you this.
F: Were gonna show this because it’s shit and we’re in shit TV, kunstipated artwork.
So we’re kunstipating this artwork, back to the studio
(Back in studio, camera angle not centered)
C: Hi.
F: Hi we just looked thru our f.. uuh, notes here and actually we found out what dump thi of the day was gonna be about… Charlotte?
C: Oh yeah uh, were we gonna (Charlotte emphasizes word) scour, the newspapers and um, find really bad news and flush it down the toilet.
F: Current events then, is it?
C: Yes!
F: Pretty much.
C: Pretty much.
F: And, so that we, and we also have the great se-segment which we don’t have a little nice thingy for.
C: Shit happens!
F: Shit happens!
C: Shit happens!
F: That’s gonna be great thing, and we’ll keep that in the dark for now, uh you you’ll have to keep watching to find out.
C: Jepp!
DUMP OF THE DAY.
(Change of scenery: Charlotte and Fred are sitting on toilet bowl inside of small toilet)
F: This segment could have been hunt the dump (holding up sign saying so) but uh, thorough searches in here made us realize that there was no dump, so this will be the dump of the day (holding up next sign) segment.
C: Yeah.
F: So Charlotte, what kind of toilet are we in?
C: Well were in our, our first toilet in our house 2 Glenarm road and it’s, it’s quite if you look at the floor it’s quite filthy, we wont go into it, and the toilet roles not even on the thing..
F: So we might actually be sitting in some old pee from some…
C: …very very possible…
F: …old party or something now?
C: Yeah!
F: Alright…
C: Jepp.
F: …so onwards with the what we are actually here to do…
C: Okey’ key.
F: …present the dump of the day!
C: Yes!
F: What’s the dump of the day going to be about?
C: Well it’s a, a article we found in, what’s the paper called? The evening standard light no-less, witch is free, and ammm, it’s a story about, the-the-the-the headline reads: this is the little dent that paralyzed the capital, and it’s just quite…
F: and…
C: …weird that…
F: …last time I checked the capital was actually London?
C: Yeah that’s right, Lundun, where we are right now!
F: So London is actually paralyzed because a dent?
C: Yeah…
F: So…
C: That’s pretty shit!
F: …and the actual dump today won’t be the dent I guess?
C: No! It’ll be Lundun!
F: Yeah, so let’s flush it down.
(Charlotte and Fred gets up, and throws the paper in the toilet and flushes)
F: Ah, you can see all the stain’s… (Fred laughs) …around here.
F: So thanks everyone, this was the dump of the day. Back to the studio!
(Change of scenery: Hidden camera angle)
F: But you know Charlotte, that segment: Charlotte talks shit?
C: Yeah.
F: Eh, couldn’t… Wouldn’t that be funnier if we just called it like, eeh, choose between shit or super shit?
C: What do you mean?
F: Like wouldn’t it be more fun segment if it’s called shit or super shit?
C: But what would we do if it was like, how do you mean like, you, I say to you: what do you think this is shit or super shit?
F: well it’s like you have to choose between shit or super shit.
C: What, like you show me something and I just don’t know what it is?
F: Yeah I show you… a picture of my mom…
C: Hmm…
F: …and you’ll say well is it shit or super shit?
C: Yeah but it’s just super shit, that that’s just’nt like in Engl-like in English, that just sound a bit weird.
F: What do you mean?
C: Do you know what I mean, it sounds… it sound like, like-like, like the translations wrong. Like cause…
C: But everyone knows what super is doesn’t he? It’s like a hero…
C: Yeah, but super shit sounds-yes that sounds like a super hero… that just doesn’t sound right! Like you’ll say, if you some one to be really shit…
F: …well if super man is super something, then shit super shit means like it’s really shit!
C: Noo… No, like if… it’s better of thinking of it like it’s says something like alright, it’s is it shit, or really fucking shit… or is it bollocks or something!
F: But, I think that’s really weird because if something is super something than it means it’s really shit, really shit is just really shit.
C: Yeah but…
F: If it’s super shit that must mean that its way more shit than… really shit!
C: Yeah but it just doesn’t sound right!
F: I just don’t get it!
(Signature song: Greetings now from shitsville, London!)
# posted by Fred T Lindberg @ 1:40 am 
